Liquid Lapdance… yes. Really.

Strip clubs, love them or hate them I don’t think they’re going anywhere any time soon. Now, there is something new for the, ahem, *gentlemen* that frequent these places to have an even better time!

Liquid lapdance

This is, in my little opinion, one of the sleaziest things to be invented for men in quite some time…

Put simply, they’re boxers with lube in them to make a lapdance feel better – we all know a good bit of lube makes things feel gooood so what’s the sleazy part? Their marketing…

“She dances on him for what seems like hours…  He’s been at the edge of orgasm for the last few songs…  He grabs her hips and thrusts upward a few times… The orgasm is long and intense… After six or seven intense spasms, she’s drained every drop of cum from his cock… He doesn’t worry about a cum stain or wet spot in his pants… He doesn’t worry about ANYTHING.  He kept it fun and safe and legal.  Even if his wife finds out, it’s not that big a deal.”

One of their product testimonials actually went like this…. “I wouldn’t say it felt like sex.  More like a blow job, a hand job, whacking off, anal sex, and titty-fucking all in one.”

Clearly, some men are easily pleased.

There is also a ‘stealth mode’ to hide them from a wife or girlfriend, disguising the ‘product’ as “European Penis Bath”… I could NOT make this shit up! The ‘penis bath’ is described as a “rejuvenating scrub to leave your penis more soft, more beautiful for her”

Priced at $19.95 for one (thankfully) disposable pair, they’re not exactly cheap, especially once you price up the cost of entry, drinks and the dance itself… One does have to wonder if it’s actually worth it…

The ‘Bro Bible’ have done a handy collation of product marketing and testimonials which you can find, if you really want to, here.

A word of warning, when they say the video is NSFW, they REALLY mean it.

xxx

To boyfriend, or not to boyfriend?

When does a guy you’re seeing become your boyfriend?

For me it’s on a similar level with figuring out the meaning of life and, quite frankly, I’m closer to answering that than the original question.

There are, in my mind, three types:

  1. The Announcers“We’re in a relationship, put it on Facebook, tell your mum, call me your girlfriend” Undeniably bold, potentially risky if in truth it’s too soon.
  2. The Assumers… You and your friends start referring to him as your boyfriend and vice versa, but you never have ‘the discussion’. So much time passes that trying to have ‘the discussion’, or reverting to Type 1, would be weird because you’re already there.
  3. The Askers“So, I’ve been thinking… are we boyfriend and girlfriend?” The most straightforward and it should be the simplest way to do things however it often isn’t, because what if he says no… Is it because he doesn’t really like you enough? Is he just not ready yet? If not, why not? Are you not good enough for him? Is he seeing someone else and wants to keep his options open? Is he a commitment phobe? Now here come the questions……

I am trying to figure out which type I’m going to be… I am dating a wonderful man; we’re past the point of counting dates, but neither one of us has referred to the other as girlfriend/boyfriend.

Previously, I’ve been more Type 2 than anything else. Sometimes I dream of having the balls to be Type 1, but previous boyfriends (one in particular springs to mind) have been such emotionally stunted man-children they would have run for the hills. In hindsight, that would have been no bad thing.

I imagine I’ll stay true to form and be Type 2, just need to find a completely non-obvious and light-hearted way to drop it into conversation…. No pressure then!

xxx

p.s I didn’t mean for the three types to all being with ‘A’ but it’s nice when things work out!