My name is CeCe and I judge women…

Time to discuss an elephant in my living room…

I am a feminist and yet I judge women based on their looks.

Phew. Ok. Breath. Please don’t chase me with pitchforks.

 

So… to explain.

 

I believe women should have the same opportunities and rights as men. I believe we should be judged on what is in our heads rather than on them and I believe the world still has a long way to go in correcting the deep rooted misogyny present in every single culture.

Even with this, when I look at a woman my instinctive thought is about her appearance. The thoughts are so quick into my head, like pulling your hand away from a hot pan, that there’s no time to stop them.

 

 

A prime example from yesterday: I was on the bus, looking out of the window when we overtook a women who was running along the pavement.

Was my first thought “She’s keeping up a good pace – I bet she could do an impressive marathon time”?

I wish.

My very first thought was actually… “God, her tits are pretty saggy”.

 

Horrible, spiteful and completely contradictory to my belief that there is too much pressure on women to be ‘perfect’ at all times. However this is not an abnormal thought for me, I think it all the time, every day…. Bit fat, bit old, scruffy hair, shouldn’t be wearing that, bad shoes, smells a bit, chipped nails, back fat, yellow teeth, wonky eyes. My stream of criticism is CONSTANT.

 

One of my pet hates is those articles where a female celebrity is photographed in every day circumstances (food shopping, going to the gym, walking the dog etc) then is pilloried for not being ‘red carpet ready’, having a spot, having messy hair, having bags under her eyes. Essentially things EVERY woman has.

 

And yet. AND YET. Here I am, doing exactly the same thing, the only difference is that my comments are in my head rather than in a ‘news’ article. Does that make it ok? Nope.

 

Having written this down I’m now feeling ashamed, liberated, curious, confused, annoyed but most of all, helpless.

I feel helpless because I’ve no idea how to stop being so judgemental, I’ve no idea how to change society’s attitude to women and most terrifying: I’ve no idea if we even can.

 

xxx

Role Models

With social media, celebrities can now reach connect with their fans easier than ever before.

Justin Bieber has 51.9 million followers, second only to Katy Perry (53.3m) and ahead of Barack Obama (43.2m). ^[1]

Justin Bieber has more followers than the President of the United States of America, more followers than the entire population of Spain ^[2].

This is the child (and yes, he is still a child) that in January was arrested on suspicion of driving whilst drunk, driving with an expired license, and resisting arrest.

Zayn Malik, with his 12.7m followers, has recently been shown smoking a joint whilst in a car with Louis Tomlinson and the hashtag #CutForZouis is now trending on Twitter.

I shit you not. https://twitter.com/hashtag/CutForZouis?src=tren

These are fans that are so influenced, so fixated, so utterly obsessed with their idols that they are willing to self-harm, photograph it and put it on Twitter.

There have been many more occasions when celebrities, who have an audience that is predominantly young and/or impressionable, have done something stupid or illegal… or both.

My question is this: to what extent should celebrities be expected to portray a positive image and to what extent should they be allowed to live their own lives as they wish?

I’m going to try and form my thoughts (this might take a while) so let me know what you think!

xxx

[1] http://twittercounter.com/pages/100

 

[2] http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Demographics_of_Spain#Population

What I’ve learnt in 12 months of blogging…

It has been a little over a year since I started this blog so I thought I’d reflect on what I’ve learnt…

 

1. Pick the right hosting site

I started on WordPress and for 12 months it has worked well. Until I wrote posts on double dipping and blow jobs… these included a photo of anal and a woman giving head. BOOM. Account suspended. I’m in the process of moving to Blogger (which is harder than cold fusion) where I can have adult content.

If you are going to be posting things of a slightly less mainstream nature, then check what your hosting site allows.

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2. Ignore the stats

I have spent more hours than I’d like to admit to scouring my stats, working out where people were visiting in from, where they looked, how they found me, who commented etc. Has it changed what I write? No. I write what I write because it makes me happy and I hope that someone else will find it amusing/helpful.

My blog might not be my meal ticket, but that’s not why I started it. Yes, being a millionaire for writing about sex would be awesome, however I’m not going to cry myself to sleep because only 7 people read my post on Ben Wa Balls. Life is just too damn short.

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3. Don’t ignore Twitter

Twitter is the quickest and easiest way to get your blog out there for people to see. Look up hashtags that interest you, start conversations, follow interesting people, favourite stuff you like and make sure you respond when someone interacts with you.

This is all social media 101 but it’s easy to ignore it or be complacent, all you’re doing is making it harder for other people to discover the marvellous shit you’re writing.

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4. Beware reflections

This is (mostly) for those whose blogs are anonymous. Luckily my attention to detail borders on the psychotic so I edit my images to death – right down to removing any reflection from my iris when writing about a new eyebrow pencil. Whilst I don’t think anyone cares who I really am, I’m not about to advertise it.

Even if you’re not an anonymous blogger: BEWARE THE REFLECTION. If you need reminding why, here’s a helpful link. http://www.oddee.com/item_98478.aspx

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5. Keep your lives separate

I had a panic attack last year when I didn’t realise which Twitter account I was signed into on my phone, then followed back a load of people from my personal account. Whilst that didn’t really matter, what if I’d uploaded a photo to the wrong account, or tweeted about anal beads from my other account? Hello JSA.

For the anonymous out there, create blog specific email addresses and don’t use your personal mobile number for ‘account recovery’. If you really want to activate that option, get a cheap PAYG mobile.

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6. Credit everything

I still remember what was drilled into me at university (not that, cheeky!): unless something is your opinion, you must reference it. This goes for anything on your blog whether stats, facts, photos, images, quotations or anything, you must show where you found it. Anything else is stealing and, as we all know, stealing makes Jesus cry.

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These are the ones that have stuck out for me but I’d be really keen to hear what other people have learnt or what advice you would give to a new blogger…

xxx

 

p.s If no one reads this that’s ok. I’ll be at home with my emergency wine, examining my stats and tweeting from the wrong account…

Love For Sale

Some of you may have seen Rupert Everett’s recent two part documentary ‘Love for Sale’. If you haven’t, it was a graphic exploration of the sex industry in the UK.

This programme covered a very wide range, from an escort who charges £700 per hour, to middle class mums working whilst their children are at school, to addicts who walk the street offering blow jobs for the price of a coffee.

Rupert also took us via transsexuals working out of a van in Paris, men who have lost count of the number of prostitutes they’ve paid, a Mistress that sells her poo for £25 per go and a couple that believe seeing sex workers strengthens their marriage.

There are many emotions that this programme evokes and therefore many things I want to write about. My opener for 10 is my opinion on the legalisation of prostitution.

The problem is, I don’t actually know what my opinion is.

Before I get started… in this post I have referred to the sex worker as female and the client as male. Women do pay for sex, but as the majority of the transactions involve a male buying and a female selling this is the association I’ve used.

Let me take you on a little journey through my brain….

 

In the process of writing this article, my next argument was going to be that whilst it is an incredibly laudable dream to eradicate the sex industry entirely it’s just not realistic.

By using similar logic you could say if we try hard enough we’ll ensure no one ever murders again. Being sensible, this is never going to be a reality. Rather than waste money and resources on a fairy tale we need to make the ‘here and now’ as good as it can be.

This seemed reasonable in my head. Then I thought about rape.

Would I be happy to say “Men will always rape. It’s not a realistic aim to remove it completely from society so we should stop trying. What we need to do is make the support services incredible thus making the ‘here and now’ as good as it can be.”?

Fuck. NO.

A common argument is that since the dawn of time not only have people killed people but people have bought and sold sex. This behaviour is therefore entrenched in the human condition and something that can never be changed.

I don’t buy this. Every single one of us changes every single day. Why should we not demand better?

An incredibly wise (though admittedly fictional) person once said “there will be a time when we must choose between what is easy and what is right”.

If we look beyond the sex trade to the wider society, I believe this time is upon us. Whilst we have some of the most powerful, inspirational and iconic female role models of all time, the objectification of women is more intense now that it has ever been.

What we need is a fundamental shift in society to a place where women are judged on achievements and actions. Where girls grow up without feeling the need to binge and purge (as I did) to look like emaciated models. Where we don’t learn about relationships and sex from porn. Where women can live without fear of sexism, harassment or worse.

It’s not going to be easy and it won’t happen overnight or even in a decade. However as Russell Brand said “be careful with your soul and be careful with yourself”.

Right now, I don’t think we’re looking after either particularly well.

xxx

Oh. My. Days.

So. My last blog was on 26^th November.

 
SHAME. ON. ME.

Literally, appals balls.

I now have a new pact with myself (who better, eh?) to post every week.

Bring it Britney.

xxx

 

p.s This doesn’t really count as a blog, later on today there will be a post on killer brows. Spoiler: they’re fucking awesome.

 

Invisible Knickers… Walk. Away.

A particularly hideous creation has recently been paraded on the internet and I feel my disgust needs to be stated for the record.

Bring on…. invisible knickers.

My main issue with these is that they aren’t actually invisible. You might not be able to see the ‘knickers’ when wearing a mesh panelled dress or perhaps something red, Valentino and split to the hip, but get naked and what are you left with?

You’re left with something that resembles the 1800’s answer to sanitary wear…. except with plastic…. and much more awful.

Admittedly (read: thank fuck) they are still on Kickstarter and have yet to reach the $10,000 goal needed to start production. I would be very grateful if everyone could start burning any money they find to ensure this product never reaches the general market.

Their tag line is also outstanding and deserves special mention:

“Absolutely invisible panties! Use them every day, be sexy and free, even when you’re having “special women’s” days!”

 Right then guys and girls, let’s say it together: Period…. No, don’t run away screaming, come back!

Let’s try again: I’m on my period, I’m due on my period, I’ve missed a period, I hate my period, periods suck. Period.

Alternatively, you could just use a tampon.

My absolute favourite part of the invisible knickers was this:

 

Apparently, odd plastic straps that will sweat and chafe with cheap white plastic adjusters and a sanitary towel attached underneath is sexy. Who knew?! Call me a granny but I’d rather have a pair of nudes any day. Or better yet, go commando.

xxx

My first blog post, ever…

I think at this point, rather than writing about one subject in particular, I’d take some time to tell you a little about me and the sorts of things I plan to write about.

I’m a 24 year old girl, living and working in London. There are many things I love and many things I hate.

Love: sex, baking, nail art, accessories, symmetry, lipstick, coffee, confidence, food, shoes, spooning, wine, awkwardness, dogs (specifically Dachshunds and Pomeranians), style, relationships, social experiments, Beyoncé, sushi, bus journeys to nowhere, sunshine, salivating over cars and houses I’ll never be able to afford, kicking up piles of leaves in Autumn, babies with afros and writing.

Hate: bad grammar, bitten nails, people who say/tattoo/text/type ‘YOLO’, slow walkers, peaches (they’re furry, don’t get me started), cats, people who think the Kardashians are ‘role models’, acrylic nails/chipped nail varnish, jelly shoes/crocs, meanness, running for the bus and then missing it, ‘text speak’, condescension, mushrooms and getting bits in my eye.

Now to cover off a couple of questions…

1.  Why ‘Cocks and Cupcakes’? Apart from being wonderfully naughty (and as you’ll discover I love things that are naughty) I think it gives a fairly good overview of what people can expect from my blog. I love sex and I’m straight, therefore ‘cock’. I love baking and whilst it isn’t limited to cupcakes the alliteration sounds rather lovely, therefore ‘cupcakes’.

2. Why is this anonymous? There is no personal information linked to this blog, it will be personal, most definitely, but anonymously personal. This is for a variety of reasons, including but not limited to: my parents and grandparents – never in a million years will they want to, nor should have to, read about their daughter’s love of the reverse cowgirl. The men I have known – some were good, some were not, most will be discussed but all deserve privacy. My job – I love my job, I love the company I work for and I would never want to do anything that could reflect poorly on them and the great work they do.

3. Why am I doing this? I’m a complete narcissist. I think that’s probably true, to some degree, for everyone on the planet. I’m not saying I have better ideas than anyone else, I’m not saying I have a completely revolutionary take on things, but I have some ideas and wanted to share them… That’s pretty much all there is to it!

So, I hope you enjoy the posts to come but if not, tell me why!

xxx