Ok people, long story short, I am without man.
The positive: No need to think about the ‘are we boyfriend/girlfriend?’ conversation.
The negative: Loss of man means loss of cock and I’m climbing the walls.
Disclosure: I am aware a man brings more than just a penis (and a willing, agile tongue – you know you love it) to a relationship but, being honest, it’s the bit I’m missing most right now.
So, to my new question…. Fuck buddies: can they really ever work?
The basic premise is simple:
- Find someone you’re comfortable with, I don’t think screamingly good sex can be had on a one night stand with a stranger, but that’s for another blog
- Establish neither of you want a relationship with the other person, or anyone else: fuck buddy + dating someone else = skanky
- Establish you both want to have sex with the other person, normally best discussed after several White Russians
- Start having sex and avoid romantic attachment
The first 3 steps are easy, the last one is where things get sticky – and not always in a good way.
All I want right now is some rough and ready, push me against a wall “take me right now” type action, surely that’s got to be easy to detach from intimacy?
Having given this due thought and consideration (read: a bottle of champagne and two bottles of wine with my BFF) I think the main reason it doesn’t work is because of Step 2. If one of you, even for a moment, considers a relationship with the other person something they might want: WALK AWAY. Sex is only going to confuse the feelings.
Once you’re both confident on Steps 1 – 3, there are a few rules that require attention to help with Step 4:
- No watching a movie before sex
- No ordering/going out for food after
- No spooning/falling asleep holding each other
- No staying the night
- Neither expect, nor give, exclusivity of emotions or genitals
My main reason for the rules above is to give romantic attachment the smallest possible window to form. You arrive, have sex and leave – if all you want is sex and a fuck buddy then this should be easy. If you find yourself wanting to see a movie, get dinner, stay the night, go for brunch the next day or anything like this then WALK AWAY. You probably want a relationship, and this is not going to become one.
If I decide to go down the fuck buddy route, I’ll let you know how I get on. Alternatively if you’ve been down this road let me know how it went!