To boyfriend, or not to boyfriend?

When does a guy you’re seeing become your boyfriend?

For me it’s on a similar level with figuring out the meaning of life and, quite frankly, I’m closer to answering that than the original question.

There are, in my mind, three types:

  1. The Announcers“We’re in a relationship, put it on Facebook, tell your mum, call me your girlfriend” Undeniably bold, potentially risky if in truth it’s too soon.
  2. The Assumers… You and your friends start referring to him as your boyfriend and vice versa, but you never have ‘the discussion’. So much time passes that trying to have ‘the discussion’, or reverting to Type 1, would be weird because you’re already there.
  3. The Askers“So, I’ve been thinking… are we boyfriend and girlfriend?” The most straightforward and it should be the simplest way to do things however it often isn’t, because what if he says no… Is it because he doesn’t really like you enough? Is he just not ready yet? If not, why not? Are you not good enough for him? Is he seeing someone else and wants to keep his options open? Is he a commitment phobe? Now here come the questions……

I am trying to figure out which type I’m going to be… I am dating a wonderful man; we’re past the point of counting dates, but neither one of us has referred to the other as girlfriend/boyfriend.

Previously, I’ve been more Type 2 than anything else. Sometimes I dream of having the balls to be Type 1, but previous boyfriends (one in particular springs to mind) have been such emotionally stunted man-children they would have run for the hills. In hindsight, that would have been no bad thing.

I imagine I’ll stay true to form and be Type 2, just need to find a completely non-obvious and light-hearted way to drop it into conversation…. No pressure then!

xxx

p.s I didn’t mean for the three types to all being with ‘A’ but it’s nice when things work out!

Animal Magic

Everyone likes a cheeky bit of animal magic….

So, without further ado…..

POW!

Animal toesAnimal nails

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

I know.

Really easy to do: base coat, black varnish, white nail art pen (one big and three little appropriately placed blobs), top coat.

xxx

Polka Dots!

Next up in the nail instalment: Polka dots!

Everyone loves polka dots, no one more so than my best friend. Pretty sure she had a mini orgasm when she saw my nails, then she noticed the matching toes and collapsed in a full blown convulsing series of orgasmic spasms. Metaphorically. If she’d actually collapsed that would have been much better…

This is one of those great patterns that’s incredibly simple to do but everyone fawns over your nails and you have at least eight conversations that go like this…

Them    “Did you do this yourself?”
Me        “Why yes, yes I did”
Them    “That’s incredible!”
Me        “Oh thanks, it’s really easy”
Them    “No way, they’re the best nails I’ve ever seen”
 
 

Ok, you got me, no one has yet said that last line, but I’m sure every single person who saw my nails has thought it.

Dots

So, to the simple and pretty quick method….

  1. Base coat (Use a base coat. Every. Single. Time)
  2. 1st coat of colour
  3. 2nd coat of colour
  4. Apply dots
  5. Top coat (see direction from point 1)

See, told you it was totes simps.

Two major points that need just a little further explanation. You NEED to have nail art pens, not just ones with a thin brush but ones with this needle like point on the left… Nail art pens

 This essentially produces a pin head size amount of nail varnish, and boom, polka dots! I do a diagonal line from bottom right to top left on each nail then do lines either side – it helps create a more uniform pattern of dots.

Be careful not to squeeze the bottle too much of the dot will be too big and you run the risk of them merging together. Of course if you want big dots that’s fine, but leave more room between them to allow for spreading, plus they’ll take longer to dry.

The other main point of note is the top coat. The one I currently use (L’Oreal Color Riche Nails Parisian Crystal 000) does have a tendency to ‘run’ the colour below. Not an issue with one solid colour but when you have a pattern it can smudge and make an intricate design go blurry. Until I find a top coat that doesn’t do this (believe me, I am searching), the only advice is to do the top coat in one firm, thick stroke and then leave it!

That’s pretty much all there is to it, play around with colours, size of dots, you could even do half with dots or half without, or half with dots and half with stripes… which might even be my next adventure….

xxx

Self-image

Self image is a big subject: lots of people are saying lots of smart things, with lots of smart and beautiful women are still not listening.

Jane is one of my best friends, and she is beautiful. No rose tinted, your-my-friend-so-I-have-to-say-that glasses here, men think she’s beautiful, women think she’s beautiful. Jane however, does not agree. She will spend hours picking apart non-existent imperfections until she declares herself ugly and doesn’t leave the house, ‘imperfections’ I can’t see even after she points them out.

I should add at this stage that I’m one of those women, I’ll say it now and get it out of the way: There is no one else in the world I would rather look like, no one.

You know something else? I mean it.

I’m not a Victoria Secret Angel, nor do I have an arse like Rihanna, I’m not 5’10’’ and leggy, nor do I have a body like a new mattress. I’m a distinctly average, 5’7’’, size 12 blonde with tits and a bum and some bits in the middle, some jiggle, some don’t, all bits are tanned (somewhat haphazardly), some are smooth and some are not.

Yet as Carrie Bradshaw would say…. “She had the kind of deluded self confidence that caused men like Ross Perot to run for president”.

I have long maintained that self-confidence is not the same as arrogance, although the two are often used interchangeably and incorrectly. Self-confidence is being comfortable enough to say to the world “This is me, and I’m happy”.

This is potentially why I have such difficulty understanding why other people cannot see their own beauty – it’s obvious to me, so many women are stunning, so why is it not obvious to them?

Self-image/confidence/self esteem is a subject I plan on writing many things on, if I did it all at once I might as well write a book…. oh wait…. *idea*

Until the next blog, remember this: You are who you. That will never change*, love yourself and the world will be a brighter, happier place. I promise.

xxx

*With £100,000 you could get some serious surgery, but that’s not accepting who you are: it’s an expensive route to run away from yourself, trying to create someone you think is better. Don’t do it

Lord & Berry Crayon

Further to my love of nail art, is my love of lipstick! Sometimes, it’s truly all you need.

On the recommendation of Amelia Liana, whose superb beauty blog you can find here…. I bought the Lord & Berry Shining Lipstick in Chocolate, a bargain (compared to some of my other lipsticks) at £8. Interestingly though, on their website they don’t list chocolate as a colour….

Lord & Berry

It’s quite an odd one: a lipstick, in a crayon, but it’s not a liner nor does it have a matt effect, it’s a reasonably shiny lipstick. Not a clue how they do it but I don’t care, it’s AWESOME.

This is me immediately post application….

Lips, at application

This is me 4 hours post application, and also post lunch….

Lips, after 4 hours and lunch

The thing that disappears most with time/eating is not the colour but the gloss, fixed by either skimming over again with the crayon or you could top up with a balm. A little of the colour rubs off in the middle but a little top up would sort it right out.

Overall, I love it!

*Off to order the same thing in 6 different colours*

Nail Caviar

Next up in the nail instalment: Caviar!

Bought from TopShop about a month ago, this took a little bit of getting used to.

The application is relatively straightforward – paint the nail, dip in the caviar and gently press the beads down.

Nail CaviarThe problem was that I did this one evening, then woke up the next morning and needed to shower. I figured the beads would be fine; they’re stuck down pretty well, right? Wrong.

By the time I made it to the office, only the bottom half of my nails actually had beads left which wasn’t really as perfect as they’d looked the night before.

They were incredibly scratchy and I found them in my bed, the bath, my bra, my hair, my ears, generally all the places one should never have small silver balls… Unless we’re talking about Ben Wa balls, but that’s for another time.

They annoyed me so much during the course of the day, I took them off as soon as I got home. Not willing to admit defeat though, I persisted – the second time I put them on I used an almighty layer of clear top coat. Did it help? Did it bollocks. Still scratchy, still fell off, still finding them everywhere.

I have since thrown the caviar away. Whilst it did look lovely, it just isn’t suitable for someone that actually has to do stuff. It might work if you put it on for a night out then took it off the next morning, but I don’t think it’s worth it, especially when there are other techniques that will look awesome and not make you want to pull your nails off!

xxx

Nails

Right then: nails.

We all have them and every single one of them deserve love and attention, feet arguably more than hands. I’ve always been a fan of outsourcing most of my maintenance whether it be waxing, manicures, pedicures, massages (obv), tanning, eyebrow shaping/tinting, facials and eyelash extensions…. Yep, I’m pretty groomed!

Highlights also fall into the outsourcing list. I used a DIY kit once, things went a little (read: tremendously) wrong, bits were ginger, bits were blonde, bits were falling out – my hairdresser now has me under pain of death if I ever do something like that again, but I digress.

Nails.

My toes are still the responsibility of a wonderful place in Clapham, I can soak and buff and file and scrub and paint them myself, I choose not to. However my fingernails are my pride and joy and recently I spent an obscene amount on transfers, gems, pens, striping tape, varnish, stencils and tools to try and recreate some of the beautiful things I’ve seen recently.

For better or worse, I’ll be posting the results here over the coming weeks/months…

First up: Gemstones.

I bought some nail art pens from Rio Nails and these gemstones came free, most unexpected but very much appreciated – as you’ll learn, I’m a sucker for some free stuff!

This is a pretty easy one to start off with, paint the nails, add a tiny dot of nail varnish, add the gem, slather on top coat and dry. Viola!

One word of warning – make the dot of varnish really tiny otherwise it will squidge out from under the gem and look a little manky! Other than that, a pretty easy one to start off with.

Gemstones

xxx

Wax, shave, spray…. huh?!

People’s views on hair removal range from “Pull out every follicle that’s not on my head!” to “Let it grow, never cut down Mother Nature” and an incredibly diverse range in the middle.

However if hair removal of any body part is something you do, then read on….

Looking specifically at the bikini area for the moment, I like it all off. It’s a personal choice for everyone, but for me that’s what I like.

Back when I was young and oh so foolish, I shaved. Big mistake. Big. Huge. Yes, we all need a little Julia Roberts in our lives…. In the coming days I felt like I was going to scratch myself in half during the re-growth and swore to never do it again.

I’ve tried hair removal cream once (Veet: what else?) and whilst it was amusing watching the hairs go all squiggly whilst dissolving, I found some areas to be more stubborn and therefore the overall result was pretty patchy – the re-growth was also a little more uncomfortable than I expected.

At the moment I spend £37 on a Hollywood with hot wax – never let anyone go anywhere near that area with strip wax – every 4 weeks or so. I’ve been having it done for years so after 4 weeks there’s not much there but I like to keep the lady garden situ under control. Don’t want to let anything grow too thick or the men won’t be able to find the important stuff!

The hair on my legs is a different story, it’s too fine to wax and epilation has never given me a smooth enough finish, so that left me with shaving. The problem is, I hate the scratchy re-growth and have to shave far more often than I’d like. I’d like to never shave and have permanently smooth skin but apparently that’s unrealistic. I know. Rude, right?

However, there is now a new kid on the block.

Inhibitif.

It is apparently “A highly-concentrated serum that helps reduce the apparent prominence and density of body hair over time.”

Essentially the hair grows back slower, thinner and sparser. Snaps all around I think! Results should be apparent after 2 weeks with continued improvements to 2 months. I will start using this Miracle Non-Hairy Juice – yes, I renamed it, let’s move on – and send an update in 2 weeks to see if we can actually see results.

Stay tuned!

xxx

My first blog post, ever…

I think at this point, rather than writing about one subject in particular, I’d take some time to tell you a little about me and the sorts of things I plan to write about.

I’m a 24 year old girl, living and working in London. There are many things I love and many things I hate.

Love: sex, baking, nail art, accessories, symmetry, lipstick, coffee, confidence, food, shoes, spooning, wine, awkwardness, dogs (specifically Dachshunds and Pomeranians), style, relationships, social experiments, Beyoncé, sushi, bus journeys to nowhere, sunshine, salivating over cars and houses I’ll never be able to afford, kicking up piles of leaves in Autumn, babies with afros and writing.

Hate: bad grammar, bitten nails, people who say/tattoo/text/type ‘YOLO’, slow walkers, peaches (they’re furry, don’t get me started), cats, people who think the Kardashians are ‘role models’, acrylic nails/chipped nail varnish, jelly shoes/crocs, meanness, running for the bus and then missing it, ‘text speak’, condescension, mushrooms and getting bits in my eye.

Now to cover off a couple of questions…

  1.  Why ‘Cocks and Cupcakes’? Apart from being wonderfully naughty (and as you’ll discover I love things that are naughty) I think it gives a fairly good overview of what people can expect from my blog. I love sex and I’m straight, therefore ‘cock’. I love baking and whilst it isn’t limited to cupcakes the alliteration sounds rather lovely, therefore ‘cupcakes’.
  2. Why is this anonymous? There is no personal information linked to this blog, it will be personal, most definitely, but anonymously personal. This is for a variety of reasons, including but not limited to: my parents and grandparents – never in a million years will they want to, nor should have to, read about their daughter’s love of the reverse cowgirl. The men I have known – some were good, some were not, most will be discussed but all deserve privacy. My job – I love my job, I love the company I work for and I would never want to do anything that could reflect poorly on them and the great work they do.

  3. Why am I doing this? I’m a complete narcissist. I think that’s probably true, to some degree, for everyone on the planet. I’m not saying I have better ideas than anyone else, I’m not saying I have a completely revolutionary take on things, but I have some ideas and wanted to share them… That’s pretty much all there is to it!

So, I hope you enjoy the posts to come but if not, tell me why!

xxx