Masque strips – the review

Further to my discovery of these strips which you can read about here, I’ve since received my order (chocolate and watermelon) and given them a go!

I know I said I’d order all four but at £9.99 each that wasn’t really possible…. blame my spur of the moment trip to Tom Ford!

The packets are nice and slim so could easily get through a letterbox if you’re not in.

Masque Strips

Inside there are three individually wrapped packets which you peel apart to reveal the strip.

Chocolate

Watermelon

So far, so good.

I’m not sure about spending £9.99 for a packet of three strips and, if one gives a steady stream of head, the cost could rack up fairly quickly.

 

Now, to the taste. I’m disappointed to report that the overarching taste with both flavours is that of nail varnish remover/hand sanitiser.

Imagine, if you will, swilling some alcohol hand gel around your mouth then getting a wave of flavour that I imagine Lidl’s own brand Kahlua imitation would taste like. I felt at one point (whilst trying not to throw up) there might be a hint of rum in there but I think that was a result of someone mixing “chocolate” with hand sanitiser.

Unfortunately, the watermelon was no better. It followed the same pattern as the chocolate – alcohol hand gel to start then (rather than kahlua) the taste then developed into something similar to tropical Hubba Bubba.

 

I have no doubt that using one of these strips masks the taste of seminal fluid. Either this is because of the “Natural taste masking agents” they use or perhaps the strips just destroy your taste buds.

 

To summarise, let me share a true story of my past: there was a time I gave a guy head and his cum tasted so awful that I threw up in his kitchen sink.

I would rather re-live that experience than go near a Masque strip again.

 

xxx

 

p.s I have two individually wrapped strips in both chocolate and watermelon if anyone wants to verify my findings…. Or is feeling masochistic.

My name is CeCe and I judge women…

Time to discuss an elephant in my living room…

I am a feminist and yet I judge women based on their looks.

Phew. Ok. Breath. Please don’t chase me with pitchforks.

 

So… to explain.

 

I believe women should have the same opportunities and rights as men. I believe we should be judged on what is in our heads rather than on them and I believe the world still has a long way to go in correcting the deep rooted misogyny present in every single culture.

Even with this, when I look at a woman my instinctive thought is about her appearance. The thoughts are so quick into my head, like pulling your hand away from a hot pan, that there’s no time to stop them.

 

 

A prime example from yesterday: I was on the bus, looking out of the window when we overtook a women who was running along the pavement.

Was my first thought “She’s keeping up a good pace – I bet she could do an impressive marathon time”?

I wish.

My very first thought was actually… “God, her tits are pretty saggy”.

 

Horrible, spiteful and completely contradictory to my belief that there is too much pressure on women to be ‘perfect’ at all times. However this is not an abnormal thought for me, I think it all the time, every day…. Bit fat, bit old, scruffy hair, shouldn’t be wearing that, bad shoes, smells a bit, chipped nails, back fat, yellow teeth, wonky eyes. My stream of criticism is CONSTANT.

 

One of my pet hates is those articles where a female celebrity is photographed in every day circumstances (food shopping, going to the gym, walking the dog etc) then is pilloried for not being ‘red carpet ready’, having a spot, having messy hair, having bags under her eyes. Essentially things EVERY woman has.

 

And yet. AND YET. Here I am, doing exactly the same thing, the only difference is that my comments are in my head rather than in a ‘news’ article. Does that make it ok? Nope.

 

Having written this down I’m now feeling ashamed, liberated, curious, confused, annoyed but most of all, helpless.

I feel helpless because I’ve no idea how to stop being so judgemental, I’ve no idea how to change society’s attitude to women and most terrifying: I’ve no idea if we even can.

 

xxx

Role Models

With social media, celebrities can now reach connect with their fans easier than ever before.

Justin Bieber has 51.9 million followers, second only to Katy Perry (53.3m) and ahead of Barack Obama (43.2m). [1]

Justin Bieber has more followers than the President of the United States of America, more followers than the entire population of Spain [2].

This is the child (and yes, he is still a child) that in January was arrested on suspicion of driving whilst drunk, driving with an expired license, and resisting arrest.

Zayn Malik, with his 12.7m followers, has recently been shown smoking a joint whilst in a car with Louis Tomlinson and the hashtag #CutForZouis is now trending on Twitter.

I shit you not. https://twitter.com/hashtag/CutForZouis?src=tren

These are fans that are so influenced, so fixated, so utterly obsessed with their idols that they are willing to self-harm, photograph it and put it on Twitter.

There have been many more occasions when celebrities, who have an audience that is predominantly young and/or impressionable, have done something stupid or illegal… or both.

My question is this: to what extent should celebrities be expected to portray a positive image and to what extent should they be allowed to live their own lives as they wish?

I’m going to try and form my thoughts (this might take a while) so let me know what you think!

xxx

[1] http://twittercounter.com/pages/100

 

[2] http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Demographics_of_Spain#Population

Get your Rocks Off people!

There seems to have been quite the splurge on arse related posts recently, butt (yep, did it again) I’m enjoying myself so let’s keep it going!

 

I have long been a fan of the Lovehoney Basics Slimline Butt Buddy Butt Plug. I’d like to meet the person responsible for naming that one!

It’s a great starting point; slim, soft, flexible, cheap, no phthalates. Lovely stuff.

 

Recently, I’ve been craving a little more in that area so have branched out and bought the Rocks Off Assberries Raspberry. Again, I need to go for drinks with the people that name this stuff!

The Raspberry

Rocks Off produces some great stuff, it’s all waterproof and is designed, tested and produced in the UK. They use platinum grade silicone and their toys are some of the softest I’ve ever touched.

The Raspberry itself is thicker than the Slimline plug and comes with a removable 80mm bullet – great for making sure it’s perfectly clean after a fun session.

Scale 2

Scale 3

 

 

 

 

 

 

Scale 1

I had gone through a phase of pressing a bullet against the base of the Slimline plug to provide vibrations but, if playing solo, you very quickly run out of hands! The Raspberry circumvents this leaving both hands free to play with all manner of other things *exercise your own imagination here*.

After a while with a pretty small plug the change was noticeable and took a little adjusting to. I would never be without my trusty lube (this one, if you’re interested) which is essential for all fun, safe backdoor play.

 

The vibrations come in a variety of speed and pulse settings and I’m having a wonderful time exploring them all. The neck also has a pleasing diameter to provide just enough of a stretch.

I think this is a great toy for a semi-beginner looking to step up the sensations but at the same time it also has enough ‘zing’ for the more experienced out there. All in all, a great toy.

xxx

What I’ve learnt in 12 months of blogging…

It has been a little over a year since I started this blog so I thought I’d reflect on what I’ve learnt…

 

  1. Pick the right hosting site

I started on WordPress and for 12 months it has worked well. Until I wrote posts on double dipping and blow jobs… these included a photo of anal and a woman giving head. BOOM. Account suspended. I’m in the process of moving to Blogger (which is harder than cold fusion) where I can have adult content.

If you are going to be posting things of a slightly less mainstream nature, then check what your hosting site allows.


  1. Ignore the stats

I have spent more hours than I’d like to admit to scouring my stats, working out where people were visiting in from, where they looked, how they found me, who commented etc. Has it changed what I write? No. I write what I write because it makes me happy and I hope that someone else will find it amusing/helpful.

My blog might not be my meal ticket, but that’s not why I started it. Yes, being a millionaire for writing about sex would be awesome, however I’m not going to cry myself to sleep because only 7 people read my post on Ben Wa Balls. Life is just too damn short.


  1. Don’t ignore Twitter

Twitter is the quickest and easiest way to get your blog out there for people to see. Look up hashtags that interest you, start conversations, follow interesting people, favourite stuff you like and make sure you respond when someone interacts with you.

This is all social media 101 but it’s easy to ignore it or be complacent, all you’re doing is making it harder for other people to discover the marvellous shit you’re writing.


  1. Beware reflections

This is (mostly) for those whose blogs are anonymous. Luckily my attention to detail borders on the psychotic so I edit my images to death – right down to removing any reflection from my iris when writing about a new eyebrow pencil. Whilst I don’t think anyone cares who I really am, I’m not about to advertise it.

Even if you’re not an anonymous blogger: BEWARE THE REFLECTION. If you need reminding why, here’s a helpful link. http://www.oddee.com/item_98478.aspx


  1. Keep your lives separate

I had a panic attack last year when I didn’t realise which Twitter account I was signed into on my phone, then followed back a load of people from my personal account. Whilst that didn’t really matter, what if I’d uploaded a photo to the wrong account, or tweeted about anal beads from my other account? Hello JSA.

For the anonymous out there, create blog specific email addresses and don’t use your personal mobile number for ‘account recovery’. If you really want to activate that option, get a cheap PAYG mobile.


  1. Credit everything

I still remember what was drilled into me at university (not that, cheeky!): unless something is your opinion, you must reference it. This goes for anything on your blog whether stats, facts, photos, images, quotations or anything, you must show where you found it. Anything else is stealing and, as we all know, stealing makes Jesus cry.


These are the ones that have stuck out for me but I’d be really keen to hear what other people have learnt or what advice you would give to a new blogger…

xxx

 

p.s If no one reads this that’s ok. I’ll be at home with my emergency wine, examining my stats and tweeting from the wrong account…

Love For Sale

Some of you may have seen Rupert Everett’s recent two part documentary ‘Love for Sale’. If you haven’t, it was a graphic exploration of the sex industry in the UK.

This programme covered a very wide range, from an escort who charges £700 per hour, to middle class mums working whilst their children are at school, to addicts who walk the street offering blow jobs for the price of a coffee.

Rupert also took us via transsexuals working out of a van in Paris, men who have lost count of the number of prostitutes they’ve paid, a Mistress that sells her poo for £25 per go and a couple that believe seeing sex workers strengthens their marriage.

There are many emotions that this programme evokes and therefore many things I want to write about. My opener for 10 is my opinion on the legalisation of prostitution.

The problem is, I don’t actually know what my opinion is.

Before I get started… in this post I have referred to the sex worker as female and the client as male. Women do pay for sex, but as the majority of the transactions involve a male buying and a female selling this is the association I’ve used.

Let me take you on a little journey through my brain….

 Legalising prostitution

In the process of writing this article, my next argument was going to be that whilst it is an incredibly laudable dream to eradicate the sex industry entirely it’s just not realistic.

By using similar logic you could say if we try hard enough we’ll ensure no one ever murders again. Being sensible, this is never going to be a reality. Rather than waste money and resources on a fairy tale we need to make the ‘here and now’ as good as it can be.

This seemed reasonable in my head. Then I thought about rape.

Would I be happy to say “Men will always rape. It’s not a realistic aim to remove it completely from society so we should stop trying. What we need to do is make the support services incredible thus making the ‘here and now’ as good as it can be.”?

Fuck. NO.

A common argument is that since the dawn of time not only have people killed people but people have bought and sold sex. This behaviour is therefore entrenched in the human condition and something that can never be changed.

I don’t buy this. Every single one of us changes every single day. Why should we not demand better?

An incredibly wise (though admittedly fictional) person once said “there will be a time when we must choose between what is easy and what is right”.

If we look beyond the sex trade to the wider society, I believe this time is upon us. Whilst we have some of the most powerful, inspirational and iconic female role models of all time, the objectification of women is more intense now that it has ever been.

What we need is a fundamental shift in society to a place where women are judged on achievements and actions. Where girls grow up without feeling the need to binge and purge (as I did) to look like emaciated models. Where we don’t learn about relationships and sex from porn. Where women can live without fear of sexism, harassment or worse.

It’s not going to be easy and it won’t happen overnight or even in a decade. However as Russell Brand said “be careful with your soul and be careful with yourself”.

Right now, I don’t think we’re looking after either particularly well.

xxx

Tasty blow jobs? Om nom nom!

Have you ever been going down on a guy and thought how awful his man sausage tasted?

Fear not, help is at hand…

A company called Masque have produced thin, dissolving gel strips designed to mask the flavour of seminal fluid and taste delicious at the same time.

The ingredients clock up the usual selection of dyes, emulsifiers, sugars and starches but one ingredient in all flavours is “Natural Taste-Masking Agents”. I emailed the company asking what this actually is and received this response:

“The natural taste-masking agents are actually part of our secret formula and a big part of the patents we have pending. However, I can tell you that we didn’t invent any new chemicals or agents for the product. Everything that’s included has been in food and pharmaceuticals for well over two decades. The way our researchers have described it is that you have almost certainly ingested everything in the strips within the past 72 hours or so.”

I do quite like to know what I’m actually putting in my mouth (saucy!) but until the patents are approved one does have to appreciate the need for secrecy.

The four flavours available are: strawberry, chocolate, watermelon and mango. Whilst all four are gluten free, none are kosher or vegan. If I had to guess I’d say this is because the gelatine in all the strips is a pork derivative… but once I hear back from the company I’ll update the post.

I’ve also ordered all four so will report back on taste and… erm… effectiveness shortly! Whilst you can only buy from their website for delivery to the USA, there is a company selling them for UK delivery on Amazon.

 

xxx

Anal Beads

The subject of anal is, admittedly, not scholarly dinner conversation but I believe it to be a great topic nonetheless.

I’ll happily be the first to say: I quite like something in my butt.

Sometimes, I think people are a little ashamed to say it, just imagine if there was a support group… At your first time attending AA (Anal Aficionados, obviously), someone stands up and says “Hi everyone, my name’s Jane and I love a cock in my arse”. The group then applauds and a beautiful evening is had by all.

Butt (aren’t I witty?) back to the matter in hand.

Anal beads.

There is an astonishing selection on the market at the moment and one I have been trialling recently is the LoveHoney Beginners Anal Beads.

Anal Beads

For a beginner string they’re longer than I expected with a full 11 inches of insertable length. The beads themselves are graduated from 3/8ths of an inch to 1 inch. Given I think that’s quite hard to get a sense of, I’ve popped a 50p next to the smallest and largest beads.

Anal Bead Sizing

They are made from skin safe jelly rubber and are waterproof too. As I’d expect, there is no latex or nasty phthalates. If you’re wondering why we don’t want phthalates near our nether regions, go check out this post by She Bop.

There are many things you can do with a string of anal beads however one of the most written about is inserting the string then pulling it out at the moment of orgasm. Naturally the use of lubricant and never double dipping should go without saying but if you need reminding go check out this previous post.

All I’ll say (as you might be eating right now) is that if you’re going to be inserting that much into your arse, dear GOD make sure you douche thoroughly first. Luckily I was using them solo when I realised this. Thank. Fuck. The shape of the beads is (unfortunately) particularly conducive to pulling out any little spec of fecal matter that might be around. Not exactly arousing. Unless you’re into that sort of thing…

A normal douche (like this one) is fine for basic play but in truth doesn’t reach that far up so for the more thorough among you, there are kits more like an enema than a douche – I’ve not tried this one but you get the idea!

I think for me the fear or the string being pulled out with any… additions negates any pleasure gained during their use. Everyone is different but I like my anal toys short and thick!

xxx

Bondage tape, oh la la!

One thing I’ve had in my arsenal of tricks for some time is bondage tape. I had to try a fair few types before I settled on something I really like (and would therefore recommend) but now I’ve found it I would never use anything else.

Introducing…… Supersex Bondage Tape by Tracey Cox.

Each roll is made from PVC and is 60ft long – you get two roles for just £8.99 which works out at only 7.5 pence per foot. If that’s not good value I don’t know what is!

The joy behind this tape is that it sticks to itself but not to you. I have zero idea how it works but it does. The tape glides over your skin (hairs and all) sort of like a plastic carrier bag. When you wrap the tape on itself however, it sticks with incredibly strength. If you want you can then peel it off itself and use it somewhere else, or on someone else [1].

I favour a fairly basic technique: around each limb, criss-cross between and then around the outside. I pride myself on having excellent lower body strength and when taped like this I cannot break free.

Feet

Wrists

To undo the tape you can unpeel it, but I always have a pair of scissors near the bed/sofa/dining table/stairs in case I want to get out in a hurry.

For the more serious of bondage aficionados this might seem like child’s play but for a simple bit of ‘tie and play’ you can’t really go wrong.

xxx

[1] I think unless you’re in a ménage à trois situation, be a big spender and use some fresh tape. Thinking about it, regardless of the situation for just 7.5 pence per foot you should use new tape for everyone.

My thoughts on reverse hair washing

I’m not sure if I’m behind the trend (more than likely) or if this phase is only just surfacing on a mainstream level: reverse hair washing.

Condition –> Shampoo –> Rinse

The theory goes that you get the nourishment from the conditioner but by using the shampoo second any residue is removed – leaving you with light and glossy locks.

Yesterday and today I reversed my shower routine. All in all the process didn’t take longer than my standard 12 minute shower, I just had to concentrate on doing it in the new order.

Styling process was the same too; comb through wet hair, towel dry, add Argan Oil from the nape of my neck to the ends, blow dry with a big barrel brush.

By the end of the first day, I wasn’t convinced. Halfway through the afternoon it looked limp and lifeless, so much so I stuck it in a ponytail and forgot about it.

I thought I might have been a little timid with the shampoo (not wanting to create a massive frizz) so this morning I thought ‘to hell with it’ and was far more vigorous. The result? Much better!

Getting a comb through it when wet was just as easy as always and whilst I do have more fly aways at the top by my parting, the ends (from ear lobe down) have more volume whilst still being smooth and sleek.

At the time of writing, no one has commented on my beautiful hair that shines like a million strands of spun golden silk, but I’m sure they will.

As for reverse hair washing, I think this is actually a trend I’ll stick with for a while.

xxx